US Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency August 2, 2007: Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 5 years. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted. Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call centre," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President." A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about." Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile   BREAKING NEWS Decadent dinner stuffs truffles, diners NOTE: A list of the food follows this story. See "10 Courses" on the menu below. (Agencies) High-rolling food lovers flew in from the United States, Europe, the Middle East and other parts of Asia for a 40-seat, Saturday night dinner grandly titled "Epicurean Masters of the World." It was an evening of utter decadence a 10-course gourmet dinner concocted by world-renowned chefs at one million baht a head - $29,828.48 at this morning's New York exchange rate. As guests entered the dinner, held at the hotel's rooftop restaurant on the 65th floor overlooking Bangkok, attendants bowed and scattered rose petals at their feet. Men wore tuxedos and women were dripping in diamonds. The guests included Fortune 500 executives, a casino owner from Macau and a Taiwanese hotel owner, said Deepak Ohri, Lebua's managing director. He declined to reveal their identities. "It's surreal. The whole thing is surreal," said Alain Soliveres, the celebrated chef of the Taillevent restaurant in Paris. The meal was organised by the Lebua luxury hotel in Bangkok. Cooked by six three-star Michelin chefs four from France and one each from Germany and Italy the menu featured complicated creations like "tartar of Kobe beef with Imperial Beluga caviar and Belon oysters" and "mousseline of 'pattes rouges' crayfish with morel mushroom infusion." Among the talented chefs, some said they found it challenging to give diners their money's worth. Antoine Westermann of Le Buerhiesel, a top-class restaurant in Strasbourg, France, said he shaved 3 1/2 ounces of Perigord truffles worth about $350 onto each plate of his "coquille Saint-Jacques and truffles." "For $25,000, what do you expect?" he said. The guest list included 15 paying customers and 25 invited guests. Organisers scrambled to fill the seats at the last minute after 10 Japanese invitees canceled their reservation, citing safety concerns after the New Year's Eve bombings in Bangkok that killed three people. Some chefs confessed they were astonished by the $25,000 price tag. "It's crazy," Westermann said. "After this, nothing can shock me." But Marc Meneau, the chef of L'Esperance restaurant in Vezelay, France, called it a "culinary work of art." "It's no more shocking than buying a painting that costs $2 million," he said. On the street, where much of Bangkok's best food is served, the dinner generated talk of over-the-top excess. "That is a waste of money," said Rungrat Ketpinyo, 44, who sells phad thai noodles for 75 cents a plate from a street cart outside the hotel. "I don't care how luxurious this meal is. It's ridiculous." Organisers say the event was designed to promote Thai tourism and that most of the profits will go to two charities Medecins Sans Frontieres and the Chaipattana Foundation, a rural development programme set up by His Majesty the King. xxxxxxxxxxx 10 Courses: Here is the menu: First course: Creme brulee of foie gras with Tonga beans 1990 Louis Roederer Cristal chef: Alain Soliveres from Taillevent in Paris, France Second course: Tartare of Kobe beef with Imperial Beluga caviar and Belon oysters 1995 Krug Clos du Mesnil chef: Antoine Westermann from Le Buerhiesel in Strasbourg, France Third course: Mousseline of "pattes rouges" crayfish with morel mushroom infusion 2000 Corton-Charlemagne, Domaine Jean Fran?ois Coche-Dury chef: Alain Soliveres from Taillevent Fourth course: "Tarte fine" with scallops and black truffles 1996 Le Montrachet, Domaine de la Romanee-Conti chef: Antoine Westermann from Le Buerhiesel Fifth course: Brittany Lobster "Osso Bucco" 1985 Romanee-Conti, Domaine de la Romanee-Conti chef: Jean-Michel Lorain from La Cote Saint Jacques in Joigny, France Sixth course: Ravioli with guinea fowl and burrata cheese with a veal and truffle sauce 1961 Chateau Palmer chef: Annie Feolde from Enoteca Pinchiorri in Florence, Italy Seventh course: Saddle of lamb "Leonel" 1959 Chateau Mouton Rothschild chef: Marc Meneau from L’Esperance in Vezelay, France Eighth course: Sorbet "Dom Perignon" Supreme of pigeon en croute with cepes mushroom sauce and cipollotti 1961 Chateau Haut-Brion chef: Heinz Winkler from Residenz Heinz Winkler in Aschau, Germany Ninth course: Veal cheeks with Perigord truffles 1955 Chateau Latour chef: Heinz Winkler from Residenz Heinz Winkler Tenth course: Imperial gingerbread pyramid with caramel and salted butter ice-cream 1967 Chateau d’Yquem chef: Jean-Michel Lorain from La Cote Saint Jacques